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Clear Aisles, Full Hands, Can't Lose: A Tale of A Childless Target Run

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The Ups, Downs and Sideways of Working Motherhood

Clear Aisles, Full Hands, Can't Lose: A Tale of A Childless Target Run

Alex Steinman

So. Many. Germs.

So. Many. Germs.

There are things people without kids take for granted. Like being able to use both hands at all times. I took a trip to Target today without #gingerbaby, and it was the most glorious experience. I felt young, wild and free (moms like Snoop and Wiz right?). A #TargetRun that should've taken 30 minutes, took 3 hours as I relished in the freedom to stroll with arms wide open (moms definitely like Creed).

Typically trips involve removing things from Cooper's mouth, picking up things he's dropped, trying to remember my list he's deleted from my phone, and digging through the diaper bag in a panic because I've lost my keys (again). I also recently started using the Target Cartwheel app, which adds another element of complication as I search for coupons in the store- I'm pretty sure you're supposed to plan ahead, but I'm not an organized couponer.

Today was different.

I can put my purse in here?

I can put my purse in here?

Here are 5 things you can do without a baby at Target:

  1. You can get coffee at the in-store Starbucks. If the cart stops moving too long, my kid immediately tries to make a run for it. Holding coffee is a dangerous game as I navigate through the store trying not to scald my child as he attempts to remove the lid with his tiny lobster claws. If you're lucky enough to nab a cup holder and your kid leaves it alone, you are a Jedi mom, and I bow to your mastery of the force.
  2. You can get things in bulk. Why do they only sell toilet paper and paper towels in quantities of two or two-hundred? Between the diapers, wipes and that-thing-I-didn't-know-I-needed-but-now-that-I-walked-down-this-aisle-I-must-have-it, there's never enough room in or underneath the cart for the semi-load of paper products. I take my two rolls under my arm and plan to make another run later in the week. Without my human luggage, there's magically more room in the cart. I will take all your diapers please.
  3. You can walk through the aisles without knocking everything over. There was a time when I wore Cooper everywhere. We have the Bjorn, the Ergo, the Moby and the Maya Wrap. At 11 months and curious, Cooper in the carrier makes me the literal Octo-mom. As a life-long clutz, I barely have control over my own limbs, let alone a tiny crazy person with a fully functioning brain. I'm sure the Target employees appreciate Cooper's rearrangement of the baby food shelves.
  4. You can save money. In an effort to get the f*** out as soon as possible, I usually just grab the closest whatever and continue moving. Taking the time to compare prices saved me about $10 today.
  5. Finally, you can go to the bathroom. It's no secret, having a baby wrecks your downtown, and I have to pee ALL the time. This is a difficult task with a walker who'd rather sit on the bathroom floor and visit the other stalls (sorry, ma'am). Today, I peed alone. Peace be with you.

It was the closest thing to therapy I've ever enjoyed. I'd highly recommend the solo trip to any mamas out there who need some alone time.