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Hello...Is It Me You're Looking For?


The Ups, Downs and Sideways of Working Motherhood

Hello...Is It Me You're Looking For?

Alex Steinman

Have you ever gone a day without kissing your partner? either. OK, actually it happens all the time. Back when we were both traveling a lot, there were weeks where we barely saw each other. This isn't an uncommon stories among young couples with kids. When my husband opened his own escape room (if you're in MN, check it out), I decided to get off the road, so I could focus my energies on family and side hustles. 

Well, it turns out traveling less doesn't guarantee you'll actually SEE your people. In the rush to put a tiny octopus into a romper or negotiate fruit snacks for breakfast with a buck naked toddler, I sometimes forget about my number one human- #gingerdad.

Here are the meaningful things we talk about in the morning:
Is it my shower day?
Where are his undies?
I can't find a matching sock.
Does this look like poop?
Does this smell poop?
Are you pooping?
Where's Zoe?

I can be an asshole sometimes. I run through walls to get where I'm going, and sometimes that's at my partner's expense. We all have our stuff, and luckily, Matt and I have been together for 11 years, and he can sense a steamroller from a mile away. I get it. I'm the worst. I'm working on it. I know I've strayed too far when I turn around to see the carnage in the form of missed opportunities to connect and plates of microwave cheese nachos. 

We were privileged enough to go on a wonderful vacation this spring WITHOUT children (more on that another day). It was the most soul-cleansing thing I've ever done. We had real conversations and adventures that made us truly see each other as humans, rather than mom/dad, an extra set of hands, or a pain in the ass.

I've been looking for ways to maintain this fleeting bliss, and you can read all of them in my latest post on Twin Cities Moms Blog. I don't usually do product reviews, but when I find something that works, I'm going to tell you about it. OK, ready? We have a therapist.

Not a real therapist that we spend a lot of money on (though I've heard those are great too). I have a tiny texting, robot therapist. I started using a service called Relate. It’s not an app, so you don’t have to delete your 5,000 kid photos, AND it's free! All you do is text (612) 806-0144 and the system gets to work.

Every couple days the Relate robot sends you a little challenge. Last week's was to randomly perform a task for your significant other that they would not expect you to do. I did the laundry. It was horrible. Even though I'm the President of most things in our household, it made me appreciate even more that my partner is the Laundry President...Emperor.

I appreciate the prompts to slow down a bit and really see beyond the literal and figurative shit. We've got a lot going on, and we're having the time of our lives. If all the things, to dos, and jobs went away, for better or worse, we'd have each other. A nice "hello" and "I see you" goes a long way. Try it.